Champions League (and Manchester United) Headlines Explained (17.2.17)

This week of Champions League (and Manchester United) Football was very exciting and led the way for very predictable, and extremely hot, ridiculous takes. These takes manifest themselves in headlines that are on the front cover of newspapers (I guess they still exist) and twitter click bait. Ive taken the time to come up with the 5 most predictable headlines you will hear from the midweek games, and will explain their validity....

1. Is Barcelona Dead?- Short answer is probably not but they definitely got taken to the cleaners. The problem is, it would be super Barca-esque to come back and win 5-0 at home to advance, obviously with the help of a couple phantom red cards and penalties. I have a hard time saying they are finished because of the last two major events in which the most conceivable outcome was a sure thing, and then it wasn't...I have Tom Brady and Trump to thank for that....To get back to football and some x’s and o’s quickly, there was an embarrassing mismatch in the middle of the field and maybe some friendly advice for Barca on the return leg....leave Andre Gomes at home.
2. Is Manchester United Back?- NO.....no....Zlatan with a hat trick against an average French side, how original...and he managed to do it in recent Manchester United style: a tap in, a deflected goal and an elf meter. Don't get me wrong, they played well and Anthony Martial played well finally, got a high five from Mourinho as he was subbed off so I guess he's staying? Anyways they're still in 6th place and beat St. Etienne on a Thursday night.
3. Is Özil the worst player to play for Arsenal?- Ok maybe slightly exaggerated but I'm just taking the temperature of the room....and adding 10 degrees. Yes the elusive German was MIA for the game in Bavaria but so was the whole team. I really don't understand why Arsenal can show so much promise at home and against top sides in the premier league but when the lights come on mid week they go into some defensive shell. It’s so disappointing for a team who.... has the most expensive season ticket in England. People forget Özil is a World Cup winner and should absolutely be criticized less. Maybe criticize the defensive midfielder who let Robben come onto his left, as if Robben has never done it before....
4. Madrid to repeat? I really don't even care.
5. #Tuchelout- This isn't the main headline, I was just making fun of all the Wenger out talk. The main headline is: Is Aubameyang overrated?...Right. Yes he missed a penalty, but really who hasn't. There isn't one team in the world that wouldn't gladly have him leading their lines right now, and they would pay the $90 million asking price without question.

Champions League Watch (14.2.17)

This is for all of the single people out there on Valentines day or the people with Valentines, but have their priorities in order....We are going to rank the games in order of “watchability” depending on matchup, star power and jersey appeal and compare them to anything you might have seen before. We will also give you our staff picks, which will tell you a lot about us and feel free to judge...

1. Barcelona vs. PSG- Comparison: The Dark Knight. Absolute classic movie but a lot of people went to see it for the simple reason of it being a batman movie. I was one of those people, but I was pleasantly surprised to see a stand alone movie with stars no one expected. Staff choice- Marin and Evin

2. Arsenal vs. Bayern Munich -Comparison:Any Homeland Season Finale. All of homeland’s seasons had their climax the episode before the season finale but we all watched the finale just for some closure and because it was something on the TV Sunday night, but never expected anything interesting. Staff Choice-Adam Kelemet

3.Real Madrid vs. Napoli-Comparison: The Wire Season 1. It took me a Poly Sci Class that mandated me to watch the wire for me to actually start it but once I got into the first season, I could not stop watching and I realized it was one of the best shows of all time (if your’e into that sort of thing)

4. Benfica vs. Dortmund-Comparison: Any Friends Episode Ever. You watch it when you have absolutely nothing else to watch, but find yourself laughing at the jokes and sort of like it on the real down low. You will always choose another show over it when given the choice, but you will fall asleep to it occasionally because its easy on the eyes and brain. Staff choice- Max Mansfield

Weekend Round Up (13.2.17)

Winners: Bayern, Hamburg, Liverpool, Athletico Madrid and Schalke

Losers: Dortmund, Lepizig, Chelsea(kind of) and Leicester (again)

On the weekend we had some big winners, some boring winners with some big losers, some constant losers and then losers that don't really care.....

Bayern Munich in typical fashion left it late to dispose of Bavarian “rivals” Ingolstadt, scoring 2 goals after the full 90 minutes was up. I guess this is the effect Pep Guardiola has on a team, even winning isn't enough these days for Bayern....

Hamburg found a way to beat second place RB Leipzig 3-0 on Saturday morning....and yes you just read that correctly and no it is not Fake news so well just leave it at that....

Borussia Dortmund took a break from winning and playing decently well as they travelled to Bundesliga sophomores SV Darmstadt, and lost...

Liverpool turned back into Liverpool with a dominating 2-0 win against second place Tottenham, reaffirming their excellence against the top 6 teams. I just wish they played like this against Hull City as well....

Chelsea tied away to Burnley, who have won 29 of their 30 points at home. Turf Moor seems to be a very difficult place to play. Chelsea dropping points for the 6th time all season really doesn't mean much as Tottenham lost, but I like to point out every time Chelsea slip up....(no pun intended)

Schalke 04 beat Hertha Berlin......cool beans....but a win is a win

Athletic Madrid came back from 2-1 down against Celta Vigo to win 3-2 with an absolute vintage Fernando Torres performance. By vintage I mean he scored a beautiful overhead goal and then decided to miss a penalty....vintage stuff

Finally, Leicester lose again, this time to Swansea, who to their credit have been playing well and have won a few nice games, including beating Liverpool recently. But at this point Leicster find themselves in a familiar territory flirting with relegation...